sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
