So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
