I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
