I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
