i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
