im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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