Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
