My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
