OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
