I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
