I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
