Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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