I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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