So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
