There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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