the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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