it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
