literally had 100 drinks last night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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