I think I won the penis lottery.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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