My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
