My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
