he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
