She announced her abortion via fbk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
