This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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