You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
