I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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