Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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