I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
