So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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