exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
