I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
