i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
