why didn't you poke me back
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
