This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
