Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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