Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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