why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
NoShamevember. You game?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
