Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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