Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
