I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
