Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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