I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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