I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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