what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
third nipple confirmed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
