I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
