I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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