for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
