So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
