He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
