I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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