Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
