i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
