her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
