Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
