I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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