the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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