Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
