I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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