all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
