We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
