Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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