I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
