Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
