my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
