Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
