my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
