He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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