we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what day is it and did you see me today?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
