Is it because I queefed?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
