here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
