Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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