so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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