We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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