Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
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The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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