Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
